Evolvement - REALLY?!?!

I heard Katy Perry on American Top Forty with Ryan Seacrest this morning and she said that her fans are looking forward to the "evolvement" of her music. I can't decide if I'm endeared or irritated. Team Endeared: She made fun of Garth Brooks' Chris Gaines phase. Chris Gaines is always ripe for ridicule, and I welcome every swipe at him. Team Irritated: She compared herself to Priscilla Presley. I'm willing to forgive a lot since Katy's given us the best summer song line yet:

"California Girls, we're undeniable / Fine, fresh, fierce, we got it on lock."

So catchy! But even California Girls might want to unlock a dictionary, I'm just sayin'.

What's in my bookbag?

My trip to Texas is fast approaching, so needless to say I've spent the past few days agonizing over which books to take with me. It's an especially big decision this time out because I'm committed to carry-on items only. That means I had to scale back my typical "book per day of trip" equation to a "books that fit in tote bag" scenario.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett was a shoo-in because it's been so highly recommended by many of my work friends. I'm currently on page 46 and will withhold commentary until I really get farther into its 440+ pages. No surprises here: I'm also taking Eclipse by Stephenie "About Three Things I Was Absolutely Positive" Meyer because (a) Debi and I will be watching Twilight and New Moon on DVD, (b) it's a plum opportunity to read the book in the presence of Pocket Edward, and (c) Eclipse will hit theaters in June! Gotta be ready for every sparkling moment. A dark horse in the running edged out A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick, my book group's latest selection. My Leftist sensibilities and fondness for graphic adaptations of books I'll never read led to a surprise pick: A People's History of American Empire by Howard Zinn. Plus, I like books with covers that are red.
I am looking forward to paging through this depiction of "trouble in the soul of an imperial nation" with newfound respect for comics as civil disobedience. Oh, and I can't wait to hit up Chuy's, the H.E.B., and Taco Cabana!

P.S. Entertainment Weekly had somethin' to say about A.N.T.M.'s upcoming vampire-themed photo shoot. And that somethin' was, "[It's] either a commentary on how the modeling industry can suck the life out of you or a pathetic attempt to get Twilight fans to watch." Um, if they would just replace pathetic with mind-bogglingly effective, and every known synonym for mind-bogglingly effective, I could get on board.

Dear Tyra: Now I KNOW that you've been reading my letters!

Next Wednesday, March will go out like a mega-fierce lamb when two of my very favorite-est thing will come together for one hour of TV magic. The photo challenge on America's Next Top Model will be a VAMPIRE-themed shoot complete with faux neck wounds, tank tops with suspenders (?), and some ca-razy white contact lenses! So fierce it will curdle your blood. It really won't suck. And as yours truly will be deep in the heart of Texas visiting BFFF Debi D., I am thinking that all of Wednesday's activities will definitely be planned around vampires and A.N.T.M. So overall, a pretty typical Wednesday!

Note to Tyra: Dear Tyra, what is dreckitude? And why the sudden commitment to catsuits featuring MC Hammer pants? I'm just sayin'.

In other news, I removed one of my own stitches today. I am seriously questioning the wisdom of doing this even while thinking to myself, "one down, three to go."

"And approximately what time did you lacerate your thumb?"

I disobeyed all known rules of logic and kitchen safety on Sunday night when I placed a can lid in the bottom of a bowl in my sink. As I placed it there I thought to myself, "You are going to forget that it's there and you are going to cut yourself on that can lid." But I chose to ignore my own voice of reason and go about my business. Part of my business included forgetting that there was a can lid at the bottom of a certain bowl, because when I went to wash the dishes I managed to gash my thumb on said can lid. And it was a gash of epic (for me) proportions. A bleeder! One trip to the emergency room, four stitches and a tetanus shot later, I'm more or less recovered except for some lasting bruises on my pride. Who knew that to anesthetize the area to be stitched, the doctor has to inject the novocaine directly into the gash itself. Sweet mother. Only five more days until the stitches can be removed. I'm thinking this isn't the time to get in touch with my inner DIY-er.

A feast for all the senses!

A cookbook would have to be pretty special for me to spend the better part of a Saturday reading recipes for Spicy Pulled Pork, Rib-Eye Steak with Whiskey Cream Sauce, and Comfort Meatballs. That's because I'm a devoted vegetarian happily counting down to my 20-year anniversary with a meat-free plate. But I also have a li'l bit of the cattle ranch in my blood, so I was immediately taken with Ree Drummond's The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes From an Accidental Country Girl.
It's part cookbook, part memoir, part photo-diary of her life on an Oklahoma cattle ranch. Each recipe features step-by-step instructions and gorgeous accompanying photos, shot in the natural light of Ree's kitchen. The photos of wheat-fed (YES!) cows, ranch landscapes, and mud-splattered cowboys (swoon!) set the backdrop for recipes that will probably tell you to "cut the bar of cream cheese in half and add both halves to the skillet" or "scrape out the skillet to get every last drop." Ree's bubbly writing adds to the fun: "All I am saying: give cheese grits a chance." Done! Because really, every vegetarian knows that the trick to being a good dinner guest is to politely pass along the platter of Chicken Spaghetti and double up on Creamy Rosemary Potatoes, Macaroni and Cheese (my own personal brand of heroin), or Beans with Skillet Cornbread. Or all three: triple carb delight!

Everything about this book makes me long for an elk ivory engagement ring. And if you know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about. Swoon (again)! Speaking of swooning, Monthly Edward will return soon. Really!

Snow Day Coffee Table

This snapshot of my coffee table gives you a pretty good idea of how I weathered the recent snowstorms that brought the East Coast to a grinding, sliding, salt-encrusted halt. My ever-present water bottle is one of the few plastic items that I still have, and once it goes I'll be down to strictly stainless steel and polycarbonate water bottles. My ever-present to do list is also on display. As is the remote control triad. The DVD remote control came in handy when I watched Dear Zachary, one of the very best and most shocking documentaries I have ever seen. I have thought about it so much since viewing it, but I don't want to give too much away so I will only recommend that everyone watch Dear Zachary with a box of tissues, a pen, and a stamped envelope nearby. Reasons for the latter items will be evident after viewing some of the disc's special features.

The books on the coffee table are all arranged according to reading priority, a little phrase that I cooked up to explain the, um, priority of my reading material. Flash Burnout, Soul Enchilada, and We Are the Weather Makers are all review books with a deadline. Ditto Because I Am Furniture by Thalia Chaltas, a young adult novel in verse that I just loved. And hey, is that Kristen Stewart on the cover of Vanity Fair? Why yes, it's the 2010 Hollywood issue featuring ten whiter-shade-of-pale actresses (it's a fold-out cover) and spotlighting Kristen's bedhead. Vanity Fair gets a thumbs down on both counts. These offenses are glaring and inexcusable. I'm sure Kristen isn't responsible for her own styling in this instance, but – to paraphrase my *Pineapple Express reference* BFFF Debi D. – Hey Kristen Stewart! You are dating the hottest guy on the planet! Run a comb through it and represent!

"Werewolves are a disease!"

So I made good use of my third consecutive Snow Day yesterday, and saw The Wolfman on opening day. I really was prepared to love everything about The Wolfman, but here's the sad truth: if you like long shots of Benicio Del Toro traipsing around the misty moors in a top hat and fur-lined cloak (and I do), then there is something for you in this movie. However, when moors-traipsing is the best thing about a movie, there is a problem afoot. The fact that no two characters have even remotely similar accents reinforced my impression that I would soon be wanting my $8.50 back. I think Anthony Hopkins knows it, too, because he raced through his lines with zero inflection / commitment to character, and the subliminal message seems to be this: "Rent was due, get off my back."

And when is someone going to realize that when the monster lurks just outside our range of vision (or the gypsy camp, whatever) the monster is actually frightening. When the monster looks like Anthony Hopkins in a werewolf costume: not frightening. Not frightening!

My primary gripe re: The Wolfman concerns a missed opportunity for a Hugo Weaving in-joke. It is pretty awesome when Agent Smith (Weaving's character in The Matrix) intones, "Humans are a disease." I kept waiting for someone involved with The Wolfman to capitalize on the fact that, HEY, Hugo Weaving's on the set! It would be so fantastic if at some point his detective character casually mentions that "Werewolves are a disease!" You know, casually but with an exclamation point.

It is also curious that every character saves up all of their nighttime errands and pub-goings for the full moon. They collectively stay huddled up indoors during the safe times, and then head out en masse once they hear some howling on the moors. Oh, those moors again! And I'm not even going to get into Emily Blunt's character except to say: How did "Lawrence Talbot" (come on, I know it's you, Benicio!) know where your antiques store was located? Hmmm?

He's got that Boom Boom Pow

When my friend Debi D. visited in December, we decided to document our week together with a photo-diary of all the places we went, and all the things we did, featuring Debi's Edward action figure. You know, Edward Cullen, the vampire from Twilight? With the unforgettably awkward "anaphase, prophase, your hands are so cold, did you get contacts?" getting-to-know-you scenes between Edward and Bella? Exactly, that Edward!

Here he is surveying the lay of the land in Media and getting ready for an exciting night on the town.
We also gave in to some good old-fashioned Rob-session. The segment of the photo-diary that documents this aspect of the visit will obviously include this photo:
The world just isn't ready to see the whole photo gallery all at one time because of its dangerously high awesome factor, so the photos will be rolled out little by little. It will be like a Daily Edward (more likely a Biweekly Edward, which just doesn't have the same ring), interspersed with Twilight quotes that bring the happy. So let the Daily Edward commence!

Adventures in Plastics

For the past couple of days, I'd noticed a strong smell of melting plastic emanating from my beloved Honda Accord. The smell would get more noticeable as the car warmed up, and on the rare occasion that I ran the heater (I tend toward hot myself) it would become overpowering. I'm convinced that I even stunk up the entire parking lot at the local public library – well not me, but my car. And after driving for more than a few minutes, I would feel a strong headache coming on. It would also take an hour or two after getting out of the car to shake a general feeling of queasiness.

So I zipped over to see my favorite mechanic on Friday afternoon, not sure if they were still open. He said they're always open for a pretty girl (oh my stars!) and after I collected myself he took a look under the car with the benefit of a flashlight. Not a moment later he pulled a half-melted scrap of plastic out from under the car. At this point the smell was almost enough to make a person pass out, and I was already lightheaded from getting such a sweet compliment. And my point is thus:

Ego boost notwithstanding, all of this mayhem was caused by one plastic bag. And not even a trashcan-sized one, either. Just a garden variety grocery bag. Think of the chemicals that go into the creation of this one bag, and the side effects those chemicals caused when they came in contact with my li'l Accord's catalytic converter! And the chain reaction set off by putting a plastic bag, one of trillions and more, back into the trash or recycling. Yes, even the recycling plant has to do something with all those chemicals when the plastic bags are made into other kinds of stuff.

As a result, I am revising my stance on plastics. No more! No more plastic shopping bags, no more plastic water bottles, no more plastic lids on my to-go coffee from Wawa. For a while now I've been fairly diligent about using my cloth grocery bags, and I only need to expand this one good habit out to all of my on-the-run practices. I'm not sure yet how to proceed on the trashcan-liner front. I will keep you posted!

A Literary Smorgasbord; Or, I like books with covers that are red!

Over this holiday weekend, I've enjoyed catching up on a number of literary odds and ends that have been weighing down my bookshelf for a while now. First up, The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory. Oh, Philippa ... your The Other Queen took a few hits on True Blue Media Gal back in May, but all is now well between us. The tale of Catherine of Aragon and the lie that changed the course of English history kept me going through many a treadmill mile! Luscious historical fiction at its best.
I then had something of a 1980s moment with a viewing of Adventureland and a reading of Huge by James W. Fuerst. (Next stop: stirrup pants?) Twelve-year old Eugene "Huge" Smalls fancies himself a hard-boiled detective in training. When someone vandalizes the sign outside his grandmother's nursing home to read "Oakshade Retarted Home," Huge is so on the case – 1980s New Jersey petty vandals better duck, cover, and wear protective gear. Huge has a custom-built Cruiser (on display on the book cover), an anger management problem, a plush sidekick named Thrash, and a pair of homemade ninja shorts. What could possibly go wrong?
And finally, I indulged my Tudors obsession a little further with The Raucous Royals by Carlyn Beccia. Yes, that would be Mary, Queen of Scots, bogarting Queen Elizabeth I's crown there on the cover. It's written for a middle-school audience, and it just makes me happy. Plus, I learned that William Shakespeare invented the word "gossip." I just know that li'l tidbit will come in handy one day.
Finally, I caught up on reading the latest issues of Entertainment Weekly, Vegetarian Times, and Vanity (yawn) Fair. Oh, and it's possible that all of this took slightly longer than one holiday weekend. Like maybe all the time since my last post (and that would be an – ack! – a month!).